Winemakers and wine critics are responsible for some of the most pretentious crap that ever flowed out of a word processor. But I did enjoy these descriptions from a Marlborough winemaker. Each starts with the usual tosh, then degenerates into self-parody:

Behave Pinot Noir 2006
A bold, gutsy Pinot Noir with plenty of weight and flavour, produced from grapes handpicked and tendered from the Odyssey Vineyard in the Brancott Valley, Marlborough. The bouquet is heavy in plum and dark cherries and on the palate, a backbone of sweet tannins. Behave exhibits a rambunctious and ebullient personality, with a treacherous undertone of colonial pragmatism. Divinely suited to holy communion, coming of age celebrations, political triumph, marriage or amicable separation and the ideal overture for first dates.

Behave Sauvignon Blanc 2008
A gorgeous single vineyard Sauvignon Blanc from Odyssey Wines Brancott Valley, Marlborough Estate. Delightfully vibrant and fresh with lifted aromas of passionfruit and feijoas. The palate, saturated with ripe fruits, has a succulent mouth feel and a defining flinty finish. Behave delivers mischievous and patriotic flavours, square on the nose with a dry humour, frivolous in its intention but disciplined in its delivery. It is perfectly suited to celebrations of marriage, amicable separation, political triumph, contract signings, and significant birthdays.

May they sell truckloads.